10 Songs That Will Fuel Your Inner Vengeful Goddess

So you’ve just been through a shitty break-up, and it’s time to brew those tears into a potion to curse your enemies. What better than a couple voodoo enhancing songs to help your poison along?

1. This Is Gospel—Panic! At The Disco

Because truth be told, I never was yours. Time to rock your way out of that relationship and to the nearest bar to show off that hot ass bod where someone will appreciate it.

2. 365 Days—ZZ Ward

Who doesn’t want to break all their exes shit?? Plus, dude she fuckin’ told ya not to fuck with her MONTHS AGO.

3. Cheated—Mike Posner

You always suspected you could do better, now you know for a fact you coulda done better. Bonus points if your ex is named Caroline Stevens.

4. Cannibal—Ke$ha

There’s nothing more satisfying than the liver of a douchey ex on a platter. Eat your heart out, honey.

5. Cold Hard Bitch—JET

Hell no, I ain’t gonna be your girl, I’m a boss ass bitch and you’re a nobody.

6. Dark Horse—Katy Perry Feat. Juice J

Because the last dude who fucked with Aphrodite ended up permanently disabled for the rest of his life.

7. My Songs Know What You Did In The Dark (Light ‘Em Up)—Fall Out Boy

Burn everything he loves. Then burn the ashes. Need I say more?

8. Men Are All The Same—The Used

He’ll never make it alone, which is exactly what you want.

9. I Love It—Icona Pop

Kill that switch and kick his shit down the stairs. Don’t forget to fist bump-jump a little while doing it.

10. Roar—Katy Perry (Again I know)

Sweetheart, it’s time to get up and Roar. Do you, and remember that you’re fucking awesome.

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Post-Break Up Facebook Etiquette for the Emotionally Impaired

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We’ve all been there. Break-up tunes blasting from our Spotify (*cough*Alanis Morissette*cough*), empty boxes of tissues all around, best friends on speed dial and anti-love/relationship tumblr reblogs for miles.

You’re hurt, then you’re lonely, then…sometimes, you’re pissed. And in our wonderful world of social media there are so many passive aggressive ways to get back at our new found exes and to air out all the B.S. they put you through (because obviously you’re a saint and did absolutely nothing wrong to contribute to the split).

First—you have to be tactful about removing your relationship status from your timeline, because who really wants all those WHAT?!?!?!‘s or I’m so sorry!‘s flooding your pity party wall. Although, you’ll admit it would be nice to get a couple Finally you ditched that loser!‘s. But publicly posting your new relationship status on FB is much like dumping your beau very loudly and dramatically at a large party full of all your closest friends, family, acquaintances and everyone you’ve ever made eye contact with at a house party : It’s kind of embarrassing for all of us to watch. We’re not so much sorry for you as we are embarrassed that you shared your shitty relationship drama with us. So be smart friends! Change your ship status to private before making the good ol’ click from happier than a fuckin’ clam to lonely son of a Mumford.

The people who care about supporting you are not the people who would comment on that update. Need help? Call your best friend—they haven’t heard from you since the last time you changed your relationship status on FB. I’m sure they’d like to know that you’re still breathing.

Second—you’re allowed to post one or two sad/sentimental songs to your wall to “subtly” display your despair/anger/joy at severing all ties to the person you were closest to for a long dickin’ time. But no more than that. Okay? You can post She Fuckin’ Hates Me by Puddle Of Mudd or Grow  A Pear by Ke$ha but then you need to recall that no one on fb gives a shit that your world is falling apart. And if you’re ex hasn’t deleted you off facebook, you can be sure that they are aware of your mental state.

Or can you?

This brings me to NUMBER THREE—Do Not Post Pictures of You Together UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES. You just broke up with them, now is not the time to reminisce about all the wonderful times you had together in a public forum. Because trust me, the last thing they wanna see scrolling down their feed is a picture of y’all out to dinner with their family. They’re probably sad/angry/lonely and seeing things that remind them of your relationship will only make things worse. And if you have a shred of decency or care for that person, you should probably refrain from rubbing salt in the wound.

And last, but definitely not least—Don’t post an article about break-up etiquette that is actually a thinly veiled, passive aggressive jab at your exes lack of empathy and courtesy on your blog that links to your facebook.

Or on second thought, scratch that last one.

Paradigm Shift

Hey all—

Recently I’ve had what I’m starting to call a ‘paradigm shift’ in my life.

Woke up Monday morning and saw my life through a completely different set of eyes, with an incredibly new perspective on my actions, relationships, daily choices and goals.

Part of that is I’ve realized that in these moments I have the most to say—so that’s why I’m coming back to my 30 day challenge, in the hopes of actually completing it.

Thanks for your patience, and you should be hearing from me soon.

-Hailey

I’m done hiding my emotions.

My day’s been a little long, with training at work and just generally getting back in the swing of concentrating on things that aren’t Netflix for multiple hours. But we did an activity called True Colors in which I found out that I, along with one other SOLer, was almost completely “blue.” According to this personality test I’m very likely to have the following traits:

Sensitive to the needs of others; Sincere; Expresses appreciation; Cooperative; Collaborative; Creative; Caring; People person; Engages others; Inclusive; Intuitive; Romantic; Loyal; Seeks harmony; Caretaker.

One of the “negative” traits that blue people have is emotional.

Now, this really fucking bugs me. Why is being emotional a weakness? I know how I feel about things, and I relate to others on a very deep level. I have emotional needs that I have to have met to feel adequately appreciated in relationships. And for a very, very long time I’ve been told to hide or try to change that fact. But after seeing that at least approximately 25% of other people are characterized as emotional that people should just start fucking dealing with it, and respecting my needs as a person.

No, I’m not going to hide it anymore when I’m hurt. I don’t care if my emotions make you uncomfortable, and I’m done apologizing for getting upset. You think you feel like you’re walking on eggshells around me? Try swallowing every single thing that hurts me so that you won’t think that I’m crazy and overly emotional. It boils and rots in my psyche because you don’t realize that these are things that genuinely hurt me, and then when I snap you’re fucking surprised.

I am done hiding this shit because I deserve people who are conscious of my emotions and who are genuinely concerned with my well being.

*drops the mic and walks away*

Don’t Yuck My Yum is a good start—but we need to turn it up to 11!

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In the spirit of going back to work after a month of winter break, I decided to write a post about something that is very near and dear to my heart: Sex Positivity.

Since beginning at Sex Out Loud a year and a half ago, the meaning of sex positivity has evolved quite a bit for me. It began when I first heard the term “Don’t Yuck My Yum,” (or DYMY for short) which essentially means that we should be respectful of all types of expression because shaming people is generally a shitty thing to do. DYMY is an ideology that promotes safe spaces and conversations—if we don’t feel like we’re going to be attacked or put down for sharing intimate desires, or posing questions about them, then we’re more likely to listen, engage, and learn. And I think that’s fantastic.

For me, DYMY was more of a starting point. It was when I started to think about personal expression (from gender to sexuality and beyond) as personal life choices that should be accepted and treated equally. But now, having worked as a sexual health peer facilitator, simply keeping our mouth shut when we are confronted with a type of expression that we don’t personally enjoy is not enough.

Truly, sex positivity is about celebrating people’s consensual, healthy choices and just generally being life-affirming. It’s not being “politically correct,” it’s providing people with information so they can make risk-aware choices that are right for them, and being supportive of whatever choices they make.

It’s not simply holding back judgement, it’s letting go of the idea that there is a right and a wrong way for people to express their gender or sexuality.

It’s recognizing that everyone deserves pleasure and happiness, and celebrating that people have found things that make them happy! Even if an activity is not for us, we remember the things that make us warm and fuzzy (or hot and bothered) might not be for everyone and to just be happy that they found something that they really enjoy.

It’s shutting down shamers, even in their subtlest form. It’s recognizing when we’re skimming over topics when we’re teaching because we don’t enjoy them. It’s recognizing when we unintentionally wince when discussing a sexual act we’re not in to. It’s about knowing our own boundaries and triggers, and when its best to exit conversations or spaces so that we don’t unintentionally distress ourselves or others. It’s learning how to get super excited over a sex toy we’ve never used, or a barrier method that’s made for bodies that we or our partners don’t have.

Sex Positivity is about celebrating the things that make people happy and empowering them to engage and explore them in risk-aware and consensual situations. It’s kinda summed up in my favorite cheers:

To finding the things we fucking love and vice versa!

If you’re looking for more sex positivity check out Laci Green who is simply amazing, or just stay tuned! I’ll be posting lots more of Sex + stuff.

A Day Without Inspiration

Well, hello there everyone. I’m having a little bit of writer’s block today. There isn’t really one topic that I’d like to write about. But since I’m doing a 30 day challenge, I’m going to sit here and write at least 500 words and you’re all going to have to suffer through it.

So how has my day been? Great, thanks. I returned a christmas present that didn’t fit my boyfriend, and was rewarded with $20. Instead of putting that money towards my past due impending bills, I went out and bought myself this totally freaking awesome Doctor Who poster:

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I was debating as to whether I should get the Day of the Doctor one (which was an episode that I didn’t really like, because personally I’m not a fan of direction the series is headed, or the almost entire lack of character development of Clara) or one with 1st-11th Doctors on it (I’ve only watched the current series, and know almost nothing about doctors 1-8), but then the dude working at the poster shop showed me this one and I shit my ass (not literally, I’m potty trained) and I just had to have it.

Also I stopped by the pizza place that I used to work at, because I hadn’t had a slice of mac n’ cheese pizza in over a month (for shame!), which if you haven’t had a slice I recommend you seek out the closest Ian’s Pizza and buy a whole pie. My old boss was working and because he loves me he gave me a free slice (what whaaaaaat). I also took the opportunity to use their wifi because I still know the employee password. Neener-neener.

Now I’m sitting at one of my favorite coffee shops in Madison, ERC. I have to say that I feel a little bad because while I was in LA with my family for the past three weeks I drank Starfucks Starbucks almost every day. Also I’ve found another little coffee shop that is a little closer to my apartment, and has bottomless cups of coffee for $3.

*Exhales loudly* Ok, almost there!

Oh! Oh! I know, I found THE BEST vine. It combines three of my favorite things: Macklemore, Jennifer Lawrence and PIZZA:

Speaking of Macklemore, and Thrift Shop which always plays at one of the bars I used to frequent, IT’S FACKING BACON NIGHT. That’s right, friends, $1 PBRs and FREE FUCKING BACON. I’m definitely going to be doing that tonight—well, if I can find some homies to join me. I’ve got a bad habit of hiberdating,* which I am working very hard on not doing anymore. If I can’t find anyone to indulge with me, I suppose I’m going to be rearrange my living room and then probably watch House of Cards.

*hiberdating: verb—when someone ignores all of their friends because they are in a relationship.

Well, I’m approaching my 500 words, and running out of interesting things to blab about. If you found anything in this word vomit post actually interesting,  let me know in the comments! I can always write more on hotspots in Madison, or silly slang.

And as always, thanks for reading!